Okay… you hoomans do some weird stuff! This will be my first one, so when someone tried to explain Christmas to me… I just didn’t know what to say! I was fine with the smell of warm cookies coming from the kitchen, though why we built a cookie house I can’t even get inside of is beyond me. Why mom and dad cut down a tree and brought it inside to die I may never know, but then they covered it in shiny lights and sparkly decorations while wrapping it in a blanket that wasn’t even that comfortable, which seems morbid. They even set up a toy train that I’m not allowed to ride at the bottom. Now it’s Christmas morning and someone put a bunch of boxes under that tree and they are all shiny too. I licked one and I wasn’t impressed so I figured they were nothing special until mom and dad started ripping them open and they had prizes inside! Dad said they were from someone called Santa, I’ll get to that guy in a minute, and some were for me too!

I got a nice reversible bandana (picture is above), some new treats, and a new heater for keeping me warm near the window! I guess the quality and amount of gifts this Santa character brings you is based on some messed up barter system of how good or bad you’ve been OVER THE WHOLE YEAR?? Nobody told me about this ahead of time, but I suppose my adorable charismatic smile made up for some of it because I can be a TERROR when I put my mind to it.

Oh, and there is also special music that cannot be sung before the turkey day is over and must not be sung again once the next year begins. They mention the weirdest things too. One is just about a kid who lost some teeth, while another is about mom kissing that Santa guy and yet another is a girl singing about something called a hippopotamus. They really are all over the place in theme, and I can’t figure out why they are all centered around this holiday.

So Santa… a guy born in Turkey but not a part of turkey day. Already my head is spinning. He was born almost 2,000 years ago but still brings gifts to people once a year that he makes in his new home somewhere way up north where there is snow (and lots of it). Who wants to be cold on purpose? Not me! I’m cold-blooded! NO THANK YOU! Anyhow, he apparently lives there with tiny hoomans not much bigger than me and they make all these gifts to give away so people can be happy on this holiday. You won’t see me complaining, as I am a huge fan of free gifts, but apparently, he FLIES around the whole planet delivering them in one night, and I HATE the flying things (birds, planes, and apparently DEER). The part I can’t understand is why he does all this on some other ancient famous guy’s birthday. In the end, all I can say is you hoomans have some strange celebrations, and that I still have a lot to learn about you lot.